Since I last blogged the following things have happened:

I

• Began teaching ICT (or in ‘merkin: IT) classes.
• Met a mob boss.
• Had two of my best friends move to the same city as me.
• Became a (deputy) fire marshall for a local bar. Salary: one shot per month.
• Developed a pork burger recipe.
• Watched a girl throw a shot of tequila at Leif for something he didn’t do.
• Discovered the best restaurant in the world.
• Discovered the best person in the world.
• Began twittering.
• Broke a coffee table… twice.
• Discovered that I am distantly related to Helen Keller.
• Got a nephew (!!!)
• Took about 210 showers.
• Did not cut my hair.
• Developed an affinity for tequila.
• Was harassed (attacked, even) for leaving a mop outside.
• Medicated Scout to save her from what could have only been some sort of flesh eating bacteria.
• Also got Scout fixed. She got aforementioned flesh eating bacteria from the “vet”.
• Had cat ovaries presented to me.
• Made fun of a guy named Jason Crawford a lot.
• Got a badass computer– seriously, it’s better than yours.
• Busted up a cheating ring.
• Learned how to use Excel and Access as I taught the classes.
• Used 8 tubes of baking soda toothpaste.
• Developed a debilitating and chronic heartburn condition.
• Started making flash cartoons.
• Created a photo project of people giving/receiving high fives.
• Found out I type at about 85 words a minute, though I think I can do it faster.
• Lost 15 pounds.
• Cooked too often.
• Ate multiple course meals at nice restaurants too often.
• Gained back 15 pounds.
• Had an insane albino throw a brick at me (or really at Leif, who was standing near me).
• Inspired aforementioned insane albino to threaten to throw me off a roof, and then immediately deny that he had just threatened to throw me off a roof.
• Taught kids how to take the ACT.
• Stained much of my apartment blue during an unfortunate sharpie incident.
• Drank 9 pounds of coffee (the coffee to toothpaste ratio is startling to me too, but I assure you my dental hygiene is top notch).
• Was interviewed for an article in Harper’s.
• Was quoted on boingboing.
• Played a (three song) set at an upscale-ish bar.
• Played a set (by request) at a Christmas party.
• Played in more snow than I have ever seen in my life.
• Learned and remembered exactly three funny jokes (a big accomplishment).
• Made about 50 facebook friends.
• Watched as Scout made about 100 facebook friends (all cats).
• Exercised once.
• Bought a scooter, thus descreasing the amount of exercise.
• Received a ticket for driving my scooter illegally (”ticket” is more like “bribe” here in Nanjing, no worries, no records).
• Purchased about 100 DVDs.
• Developed a pretty good business plan.
• Worked for a week on that business plan.
• Gave up on the business plan when about 3 other people in Nanjing had the exact same business plan and a lot more free time to implement it.
• Won about 600 yuan at poker!
• Lost about 2000 yuan at poker.
• Gave up poker.
• Inspired loathing in about 8 students.
• Endeared about 30 students.
• Learned that ravens are part of the Corvidae family and that the modern-day NASCAR pit crew uses 3 people to refuel the car that has five lugnuts on its wheels and that this process (invented by the Woods Brothers in the 1960s) is accomplished in less than 14 seconds.
• Reaffirmed the fact that 1) I do not like NASCAR, and 2) NASCAR is not a “sport”.
• Was sexually harassed (twice) by a crazy lady.
• Cooked about 81 strips of bacon and about 24 pancakes.
• Did my best, and that’s all that anyone can reasonably ask for.

So there you go. Certainly many more things happened during these 7 months, but this should be enough to quench what must be an insatiable desire to know what I’ve been doing.